Play at Level 3

Tony Robbins told us there are 3 levels of relationship: The lowest level is Level 1, which is all about “me”. People at this level are only interested in satisfying their own needs. They are not interested or not aware of the other’s need. A higher level is level 2, where you give in order to get something back. The relationship is treated as an exchange.  People at this level are considered good community members, but they are unhappy when others do not return their favor.

A person at level 3 puts his partner’s needs above his own need and does everything to meet that need. He tries to meet the other’s needs in every way: Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He expects nothing in return. That’s because he has internalized his partner’s need. He is happy when his partner is happy. There is no feeling of “sacrifice” as it is pure joy to give.

When two people play at level 3, they will find ways to help each other. They will go out their ways to make each other happy. The relationship gets better and better. It is exactly as described in this Song:

   “Standing here beside you, want so much to give you This love in my heart and I feel it for you

   I’m so glad I found you I’m not gonna lose you Whatever it takes I will stay here with you

   Take it to the good times See it through the bad times Whatever it takes is what I’m gonna do

   Let the world around us just fall apart Baby we can make it if we’re heart to heart”

With such love, a person will do “whatever it takes” to make another happy and make the relationship work. Level 3 is the level of pure giving. You do everything you can to meet another person’s need. Play at level 3 is the key to a wonderful relationship. It solves most of the relationship problem, as often times it is not because “incompatible” but failing to meet another person’s need.

Playing at Level 3 applies to intimate partner, family, and friends. It also applies to your work relationship, with your supervisor, colleagues and subordinates. It further applies to the organization you work for, and everyone in that organization. Ultimately, it applies to everyone you interact with in this world. It is easier to play level 3 with your boss or important family members. But it is harder to play level 3 with those who are remote. For us to truly step up to be a leader, we must play level 3 with everyone. This means having the patience to understand another person’s need. Be extremely patient and take time to know other people’s need. It is remembering no matter how important your own need is, another person has his agenda. At level 3, you should be keenly aware of this fact, and support others as much as you can. Playing at level 3 means we give ultimate respect to every other person, trying to understand and support at much as we can. It is not taking anything for granted and seek to fully understand another person’s motives.

When you play at level 3, magic things start to happen. Your kids start to respond to you, your colleagues are happy to see you, and your relationship with everyone gets better. As a result, you are much happier.

How do we play at level 3? First, it requires true appreciation and gratitude for people around you. This is the starting point of playing at level 3. Whenever you find yourself resentful, you cannot truly play level 3. You are much less willing to meet another’s need when you feel resentful. Second, we must deeply understand what others need. Then we do everything we can to meet that need.

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