The Meaning of Life

(This is a comment on Movie  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.)

Despite its beautiful cinematography, elaborate story, and lovely actors (Brad Pitts and Kate Blanchard), this movie makes you feel sad and depressed. One by one people die off. Other people grow, age and lose their loved ones. It feels like life has no meaning at all.  To certain extent this notion carries truth. After all, all of us will end up in tombs. All of our laughter and hopes will be gone after us. But is that all life is?

As an individual, life is short-lived fanfare. When the sparks disappear into dark night, nothing will be left. As part of a group, a race or a country, Our children will carry on our dream, our colleagues will continue our endeavor. Our thoughts will be left on paper. The future generation and the whole human race will continue. This is the ultimate meaning of life: To build for the future generations, to lay foundations for enterprises long after us. Our life is a continuation of a long line before us, and will be the starting point for new comers after us.

Beyond feeling sad for short life span, we can do much to prolong individual lives. In the past century, human life span has increased from 50 years to 80 years in developed countries. This thanks to medicine and better living conditions human enjoys, which in turn comes from economic prosperity and development of technology and science. New treatment of diseases and new discovery of X-rays and laser, new invention of prosthetic arms and legs enable us to live longer and healthier. When people created computers, when wash machines are distributed to households, when Internet phone connects family members, our living standard is improved and we can aspire more.

Of course, even a 100-year life span is a flicker moment in the billions of history of the universe. Millions years from now, our offspring may discover the secret of living forever. They may have brain memory downloaded to chips. They may have regenerative medicine that grows heart and liver again. But for now, we live in the hopeless fate that we will eventually die as individuals. No matter how much scream and protest we have, we cannot avoid this fate. All we can do is accepting it and be graceful about it. There is no point in contemplating more about this fate because we cannot change it. Further contemplation only brings morose thoughts and useless sentiment. This is like a person who dwells on a past that could never be changed. No regret or sadness can change the fact that the past has already happened. from this viewpoint, this movie evokes useless sentiment on something we can never change. Instead of dwelling on something we can never change, why not putting our energy on things we can change, such as giving more love to people around us, creating more technology that will last, and sharing more experience we accumulated with others?

While we can breathe and hope, while we can laugh and shout, let us use our energy to create beautiful things for this world. Let us leave a legacy. Our monument is our children who prosper, our followers who continue our path, our enterprises that stand, and our software programs that live on across many computers. Existence does not just have one form. Biological existence perpetuates through offspring, social existence lives through culture heritage, language, and now computer programs. Even though marble stone or steels do not save the flesh from decaying, they can represent the passed to support a new building, to shelter the young.

When the day comes for us to leave this world, we can smile and feel contented. We have done our best in this world. We have chased our dream and we have left a legacy to continue. When we are engulfed by the darkness, we have the joy to know that our children are safe in the light, and our torch is carried on by others. There is no bitterness but gratefulness. We are grateful for we have had a life to live, to have experienced and have the opportunity to give.

The ultimate message is not self-pity and hopefulness, but triumph and defiance. We defy death by letting others continue after us. Part of us have already passed on to others. Martin Luther King Jr. may have died, but his ideal lived on and realized in Barack Obama. Benazir Bhutto may have died, but her dream of a democratic Pakistan is continued by her husband and her followers. Today, countless democratic fighters languish in the jail of China, but their dream will live on. One day, when the dawn of democracy comes on the soil of China, we will look back and remember them. Some people may never have their names known, but their cause is continued.

On Sickness

Being sick used to be distant history for me. The last time I was sneezing and confined to bed (by a mysterious flu) was more than 5 years ago. Since then I never missed a single working day. I pride myself in running everyday and having a healthy diet. However, this week I was hit hard by a flu. I have the bitter taste of sickness again, and it humbles me.

When you are sick, you body turns against you. You have burning pain in your nose, ear and throat. You chest is itching with congestion.  In your agony, you want to get rid of your body because it is your worst enemy. The virus that multiplies in your body snickers at you and you cannot do anything about it. Such agonizing moment made me even jealous of people who lost their legs. It seems the pure pain of having limbs cut off are much more tolerable than this inner suffering in your chest and head.

In sickness we lose interest of interacting with the world. All I want to do is to lie down, to rest, and not to spend energy to talk. Thus I never made a single phone call to others in this New Year’s eve, and only answered friends and family’s call with very short words. This is very much like a self-absorbed person. He or She is simply not interested in talking to others. Social interaction does not mean much to such a person because there is no desire.  I used to feel hurt by lack of communicaton from one of my relatives who is self-absorbed. How come she never calls me? Now I understand she does not have desire to communicate. The best thing I can do is to leave her alone. The danger of prolonged sickness is that we will lose our connection with the outside world as communication winds down. Our lack of response or outreaching will estrange our friends and family members.

When we are sick, we lose all the ambition and desire of doing great things. My New Year’s resolution is sitting somewhere and not been touched. For the first time in 3 years, I missed the annual Run on New Year’s Day. There is simply no energy left to go out, to dream and to plan. If I ever doubted the connection between body and mind, now I know how much our body controls our mind. It’s a sad fact.

In sickness I think about elderly people and their deteriorating health. Sickness is a disabling factor. It must be fought against. In the US, more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu complications and about 36,000 people die from flu each year. This is the same number of people who died from car accidents each year, and the same number of people who died from gun shot in US each year. Fortunately the US government has a system tracking flu nationawide. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has a website specificly about flu.

Being healthy is a blessed state. Let us cherish every day when we are healthy and contribute as much as we can. When we are in a healthy state and being productive again, let us help those who are in sickness and lift them out of misery.

The Joy of Writing

As I put my thoughts into words, something magic has happened. The transient life has stood still. Our passing thoughts have gained new permanent life on paper (or on the compute screen). Suddenly life gained meaning. It is no longer random, dull or hopeless. Despite the unforgiving fact of getting older and eventually facing death, writing allows us to leave something behind in this world. My physical body may disappear one day, but my thoughts have escaped and stayed on the paper. In addition, writing captures the moment of joy and sorrow, and it preserved something previous when you look back.

Writing is a form of self-expression. Every person has different ways of expressing themselves. When asked why he loves acting, Tom Cruised said, “Because it is the best expression of myself.” Michael Jordan found his best expression in playing basketball, Obama found his best expression in politics, and Steve Jobs found his best expression in creating computers.

Writing is a form of creation. As you put your thoughts together, presenting the ideas, you bring forth invisible things and turn them into physical form—the words. This applies to both fiction and non-fiction, to general essay and scientific report. In writing a memoir or fiction, you put together people and stories. You create an environment, the feel and the suspense. It’s truly a form of artistic creation. Many times when I wrote a story of my past, I got so absorbed into the creation that I forgot night arrived outside my window, and I was way past mealtime.

Writing is also a form of communication. When I write, I feel like talking to a group of people, and I need to present my ideas in the form that others can understand. This connects me to the world. A person is no longer an island when he or she can connect with others with language.

The ability to write is a special gift. Regardless our body condition, able or disabled, we can always write. Christopher Reeve finished two books after he was confined to bed. Let us enjoy this gift and bring more joy to this world with our writing.

Appreciating Good Effort

Last night I attended a holiday party. An elegant-looking old couple sat next to me.  They were charming, intelligent and articulate. We had a good time chatting together. Then the time came for gift exchange, where you pick out gift brought by others. The husband volunteered to pick out a gift for his wife. When he came back with the gift, the wife looked at it. “Well, I cannot have this.” She flatly refused it. The husband looked awkward with all others looking. I could not help wonder what I would do in that situation. Being gracious, I would have thanked my husband and put the gift aside. My husband would feel appreciated and everyone was happy. It doesn’t matter whether the gift is useful or not.

Unfortunately, I have my own blind spot too. When my parents lived with me in the US, they cooked a special dish for me one day. As my mother showed me the new dish, I frowned: “Why is there so much oil?” I refused to eat that dish. My mother was visibly discouraged and saddened by my response. At that time, I was not aware how disappointed she was.

Today I realize we all need appreciation, particular after we made effort for others. This applies to both work and family relationship. When my intern went out of his way of doing extra research on a new subject, he expected my praise and appreciation. When I spent extra time finishing an elegant program, I wanted to be appreciated by my manager. Recognizing the effort (before we comment on its merit) would give people great encouragement.  In his book The HP Way, David Packard talked about how Bill Hewlett handled enthusiastic researchers when he heard an impractical idea. Hewlett would always show enthusiasm and appreciation first, which would make the researcher feel good. Later Hewlett talked with the researcher on the pro and cons of that idea. Finally in the third talk, Hewlett would make a management decision on the idea. By that time, the researcher feels appreciated and understood, and the decision was accepted willingly. In this way, the enthusiasm of the researcher was preserved.

With our family members, it is easy for us to forget that they are like all other people we meet. They want appreciation and encouragement. When we always show appreciation, their good will and good feeling are protected. In my own case, a more diplomatic me could have said to my mother, “It’s wonderful you have made a new dish for me. I really appreciate that. It looks like very good.” Then after the meal, I could have casually mentioned, “Maybe we can have less oil in the dish.” In doing so, she could feel both appreciated and informed

Humans are such sensitive souls. We must pay extra attention to protect others’ feeling, particularly those who look up to us. That will bring more happiness to this world.

The Joy of Crowd

As I sat in the large cafe, I could hear people talking and walking by. Lights were bright and the air was happy. Even though I was absorbed with work on my laptop, I fely like being part of a big community. That made me happy.

I discovered cafe after many nights’ eating at home alone. Being single,  the house feels too large and empty to me. That bright kitchen and big living room is all mine to use, but somehow they are too quiet. I want to be around people and feel that connection.

Being surrounded by people gives me energy and makes me feel connected.  How easy it is to get rid of isolation. It is so simple: Just surround yourself with people. Lots of single people and old people live by themselves. It is avoidable they feel lonely. Humans are social animals. We are born to work in groups. Without social fabric and human connection, we will die.

Now I understand why cafes and bars are so popular, especially in places with a lot of single and young people. People simply want to gather around others. It gives them joy and energy. Similarly public areas like malls and movie theaters attract people because there are crowds. Why do people spend $10 on a movie ticket instead of watching it at home for $3? Most of the time, you just want to sit in the crowd and share that experience. Movie going is so big in the US that it indicates how isolated most people are.

Loneliness is just an illusion. When you sit in a quiet room all by yourself, you feel you are separate from this world. But once you step into a public place, you realize you are similar to others and you are part of the world. Their joy gives your joy and their sorrow makes your heart heavy. As I watched a father lovingly guide his young daughter, I felt a deep sense of happiness myself. It made me realize we are all connected.

Married people are lucky ones who can build continusou relationship with their spouse and children. Single people, on the other hand, have a broader group to interact but the connection is somewhat superficial. Be it deeper or shallow, we simply need to be surrounded by others. It’s a fundamental human need.

My Cat

As I type these words, my cat Cub lies right next to the keyboard. He rubs his head against my hand, trying to get my attention. As I ignore him, he lay his head down to the desk again, happily panting.

Cub is a big orange cat, with long furs and brushy tail. With three strikes on his forehead, he looks like a small tiger. Cub has been with me for almost 5 years. The first week after I adopted him, he was quite upset in the new place. He kept moaning in the kitchen, looking at the closed door and the outside world. There is so much sadness in his voice as if something dear has lost. Now I understand he probably missed his old family.

I have always wondered what that family is like. Whoever they are, they must be very loving people. Cub has such sweet and gentle temperament that can only comes from good upbringing. A wild cat or a shelter cat learns to fight for their survival. They are typically fierce and aggressive. Cub is the most gentle cat I have ever seen. If he is annoyed by you, he simply walks away. It never occurs to him to fight back, like some other cat would do.  One time I forced him to take a bath. Like all other cats, Cub hates the water. But he did not fight my hand. Instead he stood there shivering, letting me run the water through his fur.  Seeing his suffering I felt so bad. Afterward I never forced him for bath.

The first week when Cub came to our place, he hided at the corner and evaded me. Then I touched his head, and he immediately liked my massage. He grew less afraid of me, and started to come next to when I sit on sofa. Soon he is everywhere I am, lying next to my keyboard, sitting on the dinning table next to my dishes , on the bed and on the sofa. His goal is simple and clear: my service of massaging his head. He gets such insatiable  pleasure from head massage, and keeps nudging me for it for hours. It really annoyed me sometimes.

For the 5 yeas we are together, Cub and I adapted to each other. I learned that he loves going out for a stroll and thus keep the door open for him. He learns to tolerate my pecking on his head as expression of affection.  He used to hate vacuum cleaner’s noise and ran out immediately at the first sound. Now he barely moves as I cleaned the room. He is less afraid of guests now. He used to hide underneath the bed, now he sits in the same room, keeping his eye watchfully on the guests.

I have always wondered when Cub will get old and enter his late stage. I wonder how I will feel and respond. For now, he is my companion and a joy in my life. That is all that matters.

Gift from a Dear Friend

I arrived at home today finding a big brown box sitting at the top of my mailbox. Looking at the sender’s address, I immediately recognized my friend’s handwriting. So Betty sent me an early Christmas gift, no wonder she kept asking when I will be leaving town this Christmas. I smiled inside and carried the box into my house.

It is a wonder that a gift can bring so much warmth to our heart. It tells you that someone cares about you and loves you. It doesn’t matter whether the gift is expensive or not. The mere fact that someone cares enough to wrap that gift is sufficient to warm your heart.

In today’s world, we rely more and more on electronic greetings and webcam to connect to our loved ones. A physical gift sent through snail mail is still very special. It’s tangible and it brings a physical connection to you. It reminds me how much joy we can bring to others by simply sending a gift.

My family are all far away, but my friend’s love and caring reminds me I am not alone. If we can all give and care for others, how much joy we can create with people around us.

The Joy of Book Reading

In this Internet age, videos and news can be accessed instantly. Having a question? Just search it in Google. Such instant gratificaiton of curisority seems to make book obsolete. After all, there is Wikipedia where authorative and objective knowledge about any subject is available. There are answers.com and about.com where you can get in-depth answers to complext issues.

Nevertheless, I find reading books deeply satisfying. A book, particularly non-fiction book, is someone’s deep and systematic insight on an issue. Reading a book is getting free access to the fruits of hard labor. We are able to gain knowledge from someone else who has devoted his time and life energy to find answers. We are able to learn from others’ experience. Such experience cut aross thousands of years’ human history, moved across different contients, and happened in different cultures. Being able to access all of these in books greatly enrichs our knowledge and broadens our view.

Book reading is a meditation process itself. In this process, you are totally immerse in the world of that book. You are insulated from your environment, your concern, or your frustrations. You enter into a world where you feel enriched, uplifted and empowered. The new knowledge gives you a sense of empowerment. Another person’s thoughts are now passed to your brain, and his experience becomes yous.

The magic of books will never go away, no matter how fast the Internet develops. Books deliver knowledge in a concentrate dose, comparing to the shallow skimming in news or magazine articles. Reading a book makes us calm, focused and centered. Why not reading one book a day? Why not spending at least one hour a day on reading? This time will be well spent and will have high payoff.

Continuous Giving

A friend of mine mentioned about her father who lives in assisted living homes. “He really wants me to visit more often. But I don’t want to.” She paused, with certain defiance as if to justify herself. I remembered my own grandparents, how they wanted to us to visit them more often but I felt burdened at the time. As much as I loved them, I had my own life in as a college student. It is an unfortunate fact. Parents sacrifice for their children, and spend 18 years to give all they can to the children. But as the parents become older and children become adults, there is little common language and little interest to interact.

Those who are wealthy and successful set up family foundation to get their children involved. In this way, the children share a common cause with their parents. This is what Jane Fonda enjoyed, with a gift from her then husband Ted Turner, a family foundation that brings reunion from all her children. This is what David and Lucile Packard Foundation has become, managed now by all his three daughters. Successful parents also provide continuous protection and nurturing to their children, which enable them want to come back.

Ordinary parents see their capacity decreases over time. As they retire, they have fewer friends and fewer interests. They still deep care about their children, but finding themselves with less to give, including life advice. The visit from their children become obligatory.  They become disappointed and disillusioned.

As strong as the bond between children and their parents, it will deteriorate over time without new input. The human relationship is a continuous give and take. That means, if you want to maintain a strong relationship with your children, you have to continuously give. No matter how much you have sacrificed for the children in the past, it doesn’t matter now. A relationship is dynamic and it always looks at current exchange.

This is a lesson for all of us  who are in adult years and look into old ages: Maintain your ability to give. That means maintaining absolute financial independence, and have a joyful social life of your own. Only when you are happy and well off, you have the full capacity to give. Then your children’s visit will be always be a joy to them.

Continuing our dream

When I was 12-year-old, I used to take ferry to school after the weekend. One early morning, as I got off the wharf and watched the crowd passing by, I had a question: All these people must have a lot of high hopes and dreams when they were young. Why do most people, after they reach 30s, forget about their dreams and just live ordinary life? I promised to myself: I will never accept an ordinary life. I will always remember my dream.

Have I made good to my promises? The real path is much more complex than that. I chose artificial intelligence as my area for pioneering research, working in one the best schools and under a famous professor. But I suddenly got totally averse to this field after seeing its power used in wars. NATO bombed Yugoslavia with precision-guided missile, a result of AI research. Then I listened to one visiting Israeli scientist gave his talk on vision-guided missile and how it hit the Palestinian houses, I was totally disgusted. How could our noble effort of science and advanced technology be used to kill people? For a whole year, I lost my motivation for AI research. It didn’t help later I worked in business school, losing touch with the computer science environment.

Today I am back in a computer research environment where I can pursue the AI dream again. Today I am seeing how AI helps medical field to cure cancer, and helps financial firms to make fraud detection. I am convinced now that there is much more good this research does than the evil it imposes. At last, I am motivated again to push for pioneering work. But several years have been lost in my wandering away from this field. Achieving excellence requires re-building everything, from ground up.

Will my childhood dream still live on? Will I rise above ordinary and create an extraordinary life? I want to give an unequivocal answer. But the only answer is action. Let our daily action be the reflection of our determination. Let it lead us to the path of our dreams.