The Passion for truth and Justice – An evening with Amy Goodman

(On April 16, 2009, Amy Goodman gave a speech in Palo Alto, as part of her book tour that was co-sponsored by Peninsula Peace and Justice Center.)

She looked frail and petite. In a flower-printed dress, she had an easy-going smile that softens her penetrating eyes. It is the familiar face you saw on TV or poster, but much softer and approachable. However, when she started to talk on the podium, she became something deeply powerful.

Amy Goodman started with a couple of contemporary topics: healthcare reform and war in Afghanistan. She pointed out how single-payer system was never formally discussed by Obama administration, and tens of thousands of troop were added to Afghanistan war. In her unflinching criticism of the current administration, I saw her familiar independent and truth telling spirit. That’s the hallmark of her radio program Democracy Now!, a program that is fiercely independent and always tells the uncomfortable truth. As Goodman dwelled on these public topics with no promotion of herself, you feel in the presence of greatness. From her radio program, I knew she was sincere and tirelessly promoting truth and justice. Only from her lecture, I started to know how devoted and passionate she was for the cause of justice.

Story after story, Amy Goodman told the heroic acts people made in history and are making today. She mentioned how a mother of a solider who died in Iraq spoke out, how that mother brought photographers and video man to meet her son’s coffin at the airport, shedding light on the death of a war. Goodman mentioned a courageous high school student who delivered a letter to George W. Bush, saying “We do not torture”. Goodman talked about her own experience of covering protest in St Paul for republican convention and was hit and pushed to the ground by the police, arm held back and arrested. That’s all because she stepped onto the frontline and be there to report the controversial actions.

Goodman retold stories of activists in the history, from Fredrick Douglas, the abolitionist to Susan Anthony, the woman rights movement leader. From Rosa Park to Martin Luther King, Jr.. Then all the way to contemporary heroes such as Noam Chomsky. She brought back the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr. by recounting how King gave his mountain top speech the night before he was assassinated. She talked how King spoke out against Vietnam War a year before then and was ridiculed by news media at that time.

She talked about the responsibility of a journalist of speaking the whole truth and bringing all opinions to the table. She talked about how media is a big kitchen table around the globe where people share discussions.

Amy Goodman is gifted with incredible voice. It is musical, powerful and penetrating. You feel like listening to a great drama, or a theatre performance. There is not one moment you feel bored. Every story she recounted was deeply engrossing. The one-hour speech passed quickly with the whole audience listening quietly, broken only by occasional applauses for her speech.

We sat in a large church building, where every seat is filled by people coming to hear Goodman’s talk. As  she preached to this sympathetic audience, most of whom are members of local peace groups, I cannot help wondering if her topics have already become mainstream. Peace, truth and justice are principles everyone can agree on. People feel good about themselves by talking about these topics. However, it will be much harder to preach the topic of gun control, where this country is filled with noisy views and misinformation provided by NRA. When we stand against gun violence, it is much harder than standing for civil rights or women’s rights, where a group of people can identify themselves and come together. The victims of gun violence spread around all groups and there is no easy way to bring them together. This is why bringing sensible gun law to this country is so hard because there is no identifiable group to push the movement.

Amy Goodman says, “Democracy is messy”. Everything we struggle to bring to fruit will be messy. Social change requires constant fight, personal devotion and unwavering faith. As I start the journey of reducing gun violence in this country, I am inspired by Amy Goodman. Each of us can make a difference, if we only give ourselves.

China 80 years later

In his essay Eastern and Western Ideals of Happiness, Russell described a China that was  mild-tempered, adhering to Confucianism, and treating each other well. When I read those descriptions, I fee like visiting another world, a golden age that is lost forever. China today is none of the above. I cannot help contemplating on all that was lost.

It was true that Confucianism had deep influence on Chinese society before 1949, where people followed the traditional lifestyle, respected their elderly and were courteous to each other. All that was changed by the deliberate destruction from Mao and his communist party upon taking over China. The communist ideology did not tolerate any ancient competing philosophy like Confucianism. Neither did they tolerate Taoism, Buddhism or any other belief. All of these are considered as heresies by the communists.

Communism ran against the traditional value of China. Instead of respecting your elderly, you are supposed to hate your father if he was a landlord and therefore a member of “reactionary class”. In numerous political campaigns launched by the Chinese government from 1949 to 1976 (the year Mao died), fathers and sons were turned against each other, siblings are supposed to report on each other, and husband and wife split up. The communist party demands absolute loyalty from individuals, which means turning against your family members. The toxic relationship is particularly prominent at workplace, where your co-worker can report on your “reactionary speeches”. During the anti-rightist campaign in l957, more than 1 million people were sent to labor camp, based on the report from their co-workers on their reactionary speeches. Such campaign was organized by the government to root out the so-called rightists. (Among those who were sent to labor camps where my grandfather and my step-father .)

In fact, Confucianism was the biggest enemy of the Chinese communist party. During the Culture Revolution (1966-1976), Confucianism temples were destroyed, effigy of Confucius were burned, books were banned and the newspapers published articles ridiculing and vilifying Confucius almost daily. This hysteria was almost comparable to the vilifying of Dalai Lama by Chinese media today. Apparently there was deep fear from the government that Confucianism teaching may win over the heart and mind of the ordinary people. Children grew up in that period were told that Confucius was a bankrupted landlord, a wanderer who unsuccessfully lobbied the kings for his political proposals, and a downright reactionary who wanted people to live backward lives. The school textbooks had cartoons ridiculing him, and stories that made fun of him. As a child at that time, I could not help wondering: Why do we spend so much time on criticizing a man who lived 2000 years ago? He seemed so remote. Today I realized how much fear the government had for this ancient man.

Mao’s reign of China for almost 30 years has left its deep scar on Chinese society. The basic value of Confucianism is mostly destroyed. The change is irreversible. Today if you visit China, you don’t see anything remotely close to Confucianism teaching. On the surface the Chinese norm of politeness was still there, but the basic values such as honesty and kindness are gone. China has become a cynical society where everything goes. Given the lies of the government, the deep corruption and unfair judicial system, people do not value honesty any more. Cheating and lying almost become business norm. A friend from Malaysia once complained to me that her firm had very bad experience with Chinese counterparts, who did not respect the term in contract at all.

If Russell visits China today, he would be shocked to see how China has become the opposite of Confucianism, and how much it became the worst version of primitive capitalism. Money is God and the only God. In chasing profits, fake products pop up every day: poisoned rice, chicken injected with water, flour blended with lime, milk powder laced with melamine. Fake medicine and fake money are widely around. Greediness is revered as ingenuity.

In addition to the value system, the idyllic lifestyle described by Russell is also gone forever. Up until early 1990s, the Chinese society is slow-paced and idle. Lack of material goods and job mobility keep people in the same town and with the same neighbors. At that time, bicycles were major transportation tools. I still remember watching a fleet of bicycles every morning passing by my windows, where people went to work in the local factory. It’s our rush hour, with a lot of energy and its purposefulness. Other than that, the street was mostly quiet. All you hear is occasional jingling of bicycles bells. As I visited China 10 years later, cars filled the street. People were rushing everywhere. Horns and engine noise filled the air.

Chinese men now work longer hours than almost any western nation. The daily working hours continue until 8pm and after that you are supposed to socialize with your customers. It’s common for a man coming to home at midnight every day, when his child already goes to bed and wife is asleep. The long working hours in China now is quickly catching up with Japan and South Korea. One Chinese businessman I know came to bay area to take vacation. He said it was impossible for him to take vacation in China, where everyone is working all the time. The fanatic work pace create family problems. One of my relative with a small business almost never gets to see his son at dinner time, and never goes to his son’s school parent meetings. The boy’s schoolmates teased him and said he did not have a father. The boy was in tears. Marriage broke up upon such long absence from home. The divorce rate in china jumped several folds in the last decade, and has reached 40% in big cities like Beijing and Shanghai.

Is there a place in China where Russell’s description is still alive today? On broad level, Taiwan is more adherent to Confucius teaching than mainland china. Since the nationalist party fled to this island from mainland, they established a traditional Chinese education system. Books of Confucius are required readings for school children in Taiwan. The basic ethic rules are maintained. Visitors to Taiwan from mainland China remarked that Taiwanese are much kinder, more generous and tolerant. The basic courtesy and respect were maintained in Taiwan. It’s fortunate that the gist of Chinese culture is preserved in this island nation, escaping the wrath of communist hurricane.

In mainland China, you can probably find some pockets of Confucian legacy among small isolated towns. In Southwest China’s Yunnan province, you can visit a small town where people have tea together in the afternoon, visiting their neighbors and trading stories. Tourists from big cities in China come here to enjoy a leisurely vacation. It’s a lifestyle people in big cities have left behind.  Such places become rarer and rarer.

Commerce and insatiable desire for better living conditions such as electricity, running water and TVs have transformed most Chinese villages. The more you desire, the longer you work. As machinery replaces bulls that plow the field, as motorcycles replace the walking bare foot, as cell phones reach normal households, the society is deeply transformed and the old lifestyle is gone forever.

There are two things I deeply miss in that old lifestyle. One is clothes made at home. My mother used to buy a beautiful piece of cloth, then draw lines and cut it into pieces. She worked on our old sewing machine at night, with its hum I fell asleep. In a few days, I had a brand-new clothes to wear. However, clothing and fashion stores mushroomed in China by early 1980s. Well-made clothes became so cheap to buy, my mother no longer made them at home any more.
The other thing I miss is preparing dinner at home for Chinese New Year celebration. I remember it was a magic time when we watched adults turn those flours into beautifully shaped dumplings, meatball rolling in the boiling oil. Today, people don’t make dinner at home for Chinese New Year any more. The rapid development of restaurant business has made it more economical to have New Year celebration outside home. The joy of making dinner at home is gone. In its place is a private room in a restaurant when waitress brings dish after dish, and Coke and Pepsi are served as major drinks.

Today’s China is bustling with energy and speed. The new high-speed rail has shortened the trip from shanghai to Beijing from 17 hours to 11 hours, and another rail will further reduce it to 5 hours by 2011. China is almost exactly like the United States in late 1920s, growing and prospering, albeit chaotic and irreverent.

Confucianism has a comeback in mainland China, related books are sold and lectures are given on TV. Temples were restored and the birthplace of Confucius was designated a national heritage. The need for spiritual fulfillment has driven young Chinese to explore Confucius teaching, along with Taoism and Buddhism. Confucius is recognized in China again as a great philosopher and educator.

Despite an industrialized lifestyle, China is getting in touch with its root again. Let’s hope that the thousand-year-old Confucianism will bring morality and harmony back to China again.

The Meaning of Life

(This is a comment on Movie  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.)

Despite its beautiful cinematography, elaborate story, and lovely actors (Brad Pitts and Kate Blanchard), this movie makes you feel sad and depressed. One by one people die off. Other people grow, age and lose their loved ones. It feels like life has no meaning at all.  To certain extent this notion carries truth. After all, all of us will end up in tombs. All of our laughter and hopes will be gone after us. But is that all life is?

As an individual, life is short-lived fanfare. When the sparks disappear into dark night, nothing will be left. As part of a group, a race or a country, Our children will carry on our dream, our colleagues will continue our endeavor. Our thoughts will be left on paper. The future generation and the whole human race will continue. This is the ultimate meaning of life: To build for the future generations, to lay foundations for enterprises long after us. Our life is a continuation of a long line before us, and will be the starting point for new comers after us.

Beyond feeling sad for short life span, we can do much to prolong individual lives. In the past century, human life span has increased from 50 years to 80 years in developed countries. This thanks to medicine and better living conditions human enjoys, which in turn comes from economic prosperity and development of technology and science. New treatment of diseases and new discovery of X-rays and laser, new invention of prosthetic arms and legs enable us to live longer and healthier. When people created computers, when wash machines are distributed to households, when Internet phone connects family members, our living standard is improved and we can aspire more.

Of course, even a 100-year life span is a flicker moment in the billions of history of the universe. Millions years from now, our offspring may discover the secret of living forever. They may have brain memory downloaded to chips. They may have regenerative medicine that grows heart and liver again. But for now, we live in the hopeless fate that we will eventually die as individuals. No matter how much scream and protest we have, we cannot avoid this fate. All we can do is accepting it and be graceful about it. There is no point in contemplating more about this fate because we cannot change it. Further contemplation only brings morose thoughts and useless sentiment. This is like a person who dwells on a past that could never be changed. No regret or sadness can change the fact that the past has already happened. from this viewpoint, this movie evokes useless sentiment on something we can never change. Instead of dwelling on something we can never change, why not putting our energy on things we can change, such as giving more love to people around us, creating more technology that will last, and sharing more experience we accumulated with others?

While we can breathe and hope, while we can laugh and shout, let us use our energy to create beautiful things for this world. Let us leave a legacy. Our monument is our children who prosper, our followers who continue our path, our enterprises that stand, and our software programs that live on across many computers. Existence does not just have one form. Biological existence perpetuates through offspring, social existence lives through culture heritage, language, and now computer programs. Even though marble stone or steels do not save the flesh from decaying, they can represent the passed to support a new building, to shelter the young.

When the day comes for us to leave this world, we can smile and feel contented. We have done our best in this world. We have chased our dream and we have left a legacy to continue. When we are engulfed by the darkness, we have the joy to know that our children are safe in the light, and our torch is carried on by others. There is no bitterness but gratefulness. We are grateful for we have had a life to live, to have experienced and have the opportunity to give.

The ultimate message is not self-pity and hopefulness, but triumph and defiance. We defy death by letting others continue after us. Part of us have already passed on to others. Martin Luther King Jr. may have died, but his ideal lived on and realized in Barack Obama. Benazir Bhutto may have died, but her dream of a democratic Pakistan is continued by her husband and her followers. Today, countless democratic fighters languish in the jail of China, but their dream will live on. One day, when the dawn of democracy comes on the soil of China, we will look back and remember them. Some people may never have their names known, but their cause is continued.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

The book How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1936. It has become so popular that it was reprinted many times and still sold by contemporary bookstores. For once, my friends and I was captivated by this book. We practiced its teaching wholeheartedly.  That was 21 years ago. As I read the book again yesterday, I cannot help wondering: Why hasn’t this book fundamentally helped me to improve my social skill? I know all the techniques it teaches, but I did not have the desire to use them. I use them only when it brings substantial benefits to me, which are rare occasions. I still stumbled in my social relationship.

I dawned on me that the real improvement on our social skill comes from internal change. It cannot be taught as some techniques that are used to manipulate others. It has to follow some fundamental principles that governs our relationship with others: True selfless and the desire to help. In other words, it requires an awareness that enables us to live in harmony with others.

Making friends is a long term endeavor. It requires input every day and in the continuing stream of your life. If we simply manipulate others, the friendship cannot last long. Even after we “smile”,”show interest”, “make others feel important”, we can only do that for a short time. If we don’t have genuine desire to engage others, if we don’t really think others are important, how can we continue to show our interest? Therefore the task is not to “win friends” but “keep friends”.

Influencing people requires more than just “not arguing”. It requires us to understand our own position and have deep knowledge to deliver. It requires personal initiative and leadership.

If we want to really teach people how to get along socially, the title should be, “how to build friendship and be a leader for others” . Relationship is not a sales trick. It’s long-term effort, genuine caring and higher demand on ourselves.

On Sickness

Being sick used to be distant history for me. The last time I was sneezing and confined to bed (by a mysterious flu) was more than 5 years ago. Since then I never missed a single working day. I pride myself in running everyday and having a healthy diet. However, this week I was hit hard by a flu. I have the bitter taste of sickness again, and it humbles me.

When you are sick, you body turns against you. You have burning pain in your nose, ear and throat. You chest is itching with congestion.  In your agony, you want to get rid of your body because it is your worst enemy. The virus that multiplies in your body snickers at you and you cannot do anything about it. Such agonizing moment made me even jealous of people who lost their legs. It seems the pure pain of having limbs cut off are much more tolerable than this inner suffering in your chest and head.

In sickness we lose interest of interacting with the world. All I want to do is to lie down, to rest, and not to spend energy to talk. Thus I never made a single phone call to others in this New Year’s eve, and only answered friends and family’s call with very short words. This is very much like a self-absorbed person. He or She is simply not interested in talking to others. Social interaction does not mean much to such a person because there is no desire.  I used to feel hurt by lack of communicaton from one of my relatives who is self-absorbed. How come she never calls me? Now I understand she does not have desire to communicate. The best thing I can do is to leave her alone. The danger of prolonged sickness is that we will lose our connection with the outside world as communication winds down. Our lack of response or outreaching will estrange our friends and family members.

When we are sick, we lose all the ambition and desire of doing great things. My New Year’s resolution is sitting somewhere and not been touched. For the first time in 3 years, I missed the annual Run on New Year’s Day. There is simply no energy left to go out, to dream and to plan. If I ever doubted the connection between body and mind, now I know how much our body controls our mind. It’s a sad fact.

In sickness I think about elderly people and their deteriorating health. Sickness is a disabling factor. It must be fought against. In the US, more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu complications and about 36,000 people die from flu each year. This is the same number of people who died from car accidents each year, and the same number of people who died from gun shot in US each year. Fortunately the US government has a system tracking flu nationawide. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has a website specificly about flu.

Being healthy is a blessed state. Let us cherish every day when we are healthy and contribute as much as we can. When we are in a healthy state and being productive again, let us help those who are in sickness and lift them out of misery.

The Joy of Writing

As I put my thoughts into words, something magic has happened. The transient life has stood still. Our passing thoughts have gained new permanent life on paper (or on the compute screen). Suddenly life gained meaning. It is no longer random, dull or hopeless. Despite the unforgiving fact of getting older and eventually facing death, writing allows us to leave something behind in this world. My physical body may disappear one day, but my thoughts have escaped and stayed on the paper. In addition, writing captures the moment of joy and sorrow, and it preserved something previous when you look back.

Writing is a form of self-expression. Every person has different ways of expressing themselves. When asked why he loves acting, Tom Cruised said, “Because it is the best expression of myself.” Michael Jordan found his best expression in playing basketball, Obama found his best expression in politics, and Steve Jobs found his best expression in creating computers.

Writing is a form of creation. As you put your thoughts together, presenting the ideas, you bring forth invisible things and turn them into physical form—the words. This applies to both fiction and non-fiction, to general essay and scientific report. In writing a memoir or fiction, you put together people and stories. You create an environment, the feel and the suspense. It’s truly a form of artistic creation. Many times when I wrote a story of my past, I got so absorbed into the creation that I forgot night arrived outside my window, and I was way past mealtime.

Writing is also a form of communication. When I write, I feel like talking to a group of people, and I need to present my ideas in the form that others can understand. This connects me to the world. A person is no longer an island when he or she can connect with others with language.

The ability to write is a special gift. Regardless our body condition, able or disabled, we can always write. Christopher Reeve finished two books after he was confined to bed. Let us enjoy this gift and bring more joy to this world with our writing.

A New Beginning

We all make mistakes in our life. Some mistakes will come back to bite us. When you are tasting the bitter fruits of your past mistake, how can you say to yourself, “I will begin anew. I will no longer make that mistake again.” People from your past may give you the look that freezes your heart. But how can they know that you are a new person?

In Les Miserables, Hugo illustrates this same point through one man’s life story. Jean was put in prison when he was young. He then escaped from prison. In the police inspector Javert’s eye, Jean is and will always be a criminal. He is determined to track down Jean, and punish Jean.  Bishop Myriel hosted Jean after his escape, who instead stole silverware from Myriel’s house. But Myriel forgave Jean. In Myriel’s eye, Jean is redeemable. In the end, Jean became a mayor of a city, raised a beautiful daughter and contributed to French revolution.

Now, let’s ask ourselves again: Is it possible to break away from our past mistake, and become a new person? The answer is a firm Yes.

You can begin now to become a new person. No matter how many mistakes you made in the past, you can always begin anew and never make those mistakes again.

Do not let regret chain you to the past. Not a single ounce of regret can change the past. What is done is done. All you have is now.

Breathe in deeply, and say to yourself, “I am a perfect child of God. God accepts me for who I am.”  Embrace the wonderful things you have now, and start a new life.

Wayne Dyer vs. Dalai Lama

I have been a long-time follower of Wayne Dyer. When I was a freshman in college, I was captivated by his book Your Erroneous Zone (Chinese version). The book made me feel good and relieved me from mild depression. In later years, I read almost all his books and attended his lectures. I tried to apply his teaching to my life, and identified very much with his spiritual philosophy where there is a universal God that is loving. However, I found my personal life did not benefit from following Wayne Dyer’s teaching. In several cases, his teaching led to wrong actions and judgment.

This led to serious doubt. Why is Dyer’s teaching not effective for me? Wayne Dyer speaks with such certainty, as if his teaching is universal truth. It gives a lot of comfort in the beginning because someone already figured out an answer to your problem. But you pay a dear price after finding out that answer is worse than what you can come up with by yourself.

On the contrary, Dalai Lama does not claim he has answer to your problems. When pressed by an audience on some specific issue, he simply said “I don’t know.” Then he laughed. His laugh was so simplistic and genuine that you feel for him. Dalai Lama understands the complexity of human problems. By not claiming that he has the answer, he empowers others to make decision for themselves.

Dalai Lama is one of the most humble and unpretentious person in the world. This is because he has an enlightened concept on his own importance. “In Buddhism”, he said, “We try to eliminate Self”. Therefore he has not a single trace of self importance. This is how he can laugh and joke with anyone he meets, be that a dignitary or a cleaning person. He lacks any pretense that most people have. Without the sense of “self”, Dalai Lama does not worry how others perceive him when he makes mistakes. Thus he can freely reach out and make deep connection with people. In this man, you perceive deep congruity and honesty. This is the healthiest state of human existence. By watching him and learning from his lack of pretense, we enable ourselves to connect with others. Thus we create more connection and more happiness in our life.

Dalai Lama has a realistic view on success or achieving goals. He views himself as simply doing small things to help others. He does not view himself as a deity but rather a “simple Buddhist monk”.

There are some similarity between Wayne Dyer and Dalai Lama. Dyer emphasizes meditation, and a generic God concept which he calls “the source”. He talks about the importance of love and compassion. He talks about dealing with suffering from inside. All of these topics are mentioned by Dalai Lama, and are part of Buddhism teaching.

Both are excellent public speakers. Wayne Dyer can speak in front of a large audience with lots of humor and stories. He can speak for 2 hours without showing tiredness. Dalai Lama can hold a 20,000 audience captive, with his humor, candor and thoughtful ideas. People are filled with joy and inspiration after his talk.

Wayne Dyer has a lot of compassion for others, and he generously gives that to others he meets. He raises funding for PBS, and donates proceeds to the public broadcasting.  After one of his lectures, I approached him to chat. Before I began my story, he gave me a big warm hug. After listening to my story of immigrating to US from China, he said, “Do stay. We need you here.” Tears came to my eyes. For many years, I was asked by so many Americans on when I will go back to my home country. Dyer was the first person who expressed his welcome.

However, there is fundamental difference between Wayne Dyer and Dalai Lama. While Dalai Lama is very worldly (besides teaching Buddhism): engaging in a real political cause for Tibetan people and meeting world leaders to raise awareness, Wayne Dyer limits himself only on spreading self-help messages: his main audience is his believers who read his book or attend his seminars. While Dalai Lama promotes the idea of no “self”, a true selfless giving to others, Wayne Dyer promotes the way to personal success and personal worthiness. While Dalai Lama proclaims that he has no real answer to complex human emotional problems, Wayne Dyer indicates he has the right answers. He speaks with such definiteness that leads to simplicity of dealing with our complex life.

Dalai Lama teaches by his own example. By projecting deep compassion to people, he calms you and frees you. Much of our energy is spent on chasing love, which is deeply needed in our life. Dalai Lama gives to people the true unconditional love through his words and interaction. He provides the ultimate answer to our worldly problems—love and compassion.

If you want to learn more about Dalai Lama, check out this documentary movie 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama. It has actual interviews, and will give you a glimpse of Dalai Lama’s personality: Calm, loving, humorous, and free.

Appreciating Good Effort

Last night I attended a holiday party. An elegant-looking old couple sat next to me.  They were charming, intelligent and articulate. We had a good time chatting together. Then the time came for gift exchange, where you pick out gift brought by others. The husband volunteered to pick out a gift for his wife. When he came back with the gift, the wife looked at it. “Well, I cannot have this.” She flatly refused it. The husband looked awkward with all others looking. I could not help wonder what I would do in that situation. Being gracious, I would have thanked my husband and put the gift aside. My husband would feel appreciated and everyone was happy. It doesn’t matter whether the gift is useful or not.

Unfortunately, I have my own blind spot too. When my parents lived with me in the US, they cooked a special dish for me one day. As my mother showed me the new dish, I frowned: “Why is there so much oil?” I refused to eat that dish. My mother was visibly discouraged and saddened by my response. At that time, I was not aware how disappointed she was.

Today I realize we all need appreciation, particular after we made effort for others. This applies to both work and family relationship. When my intern went out of his way of doing extra research on a new subject, he expected my praise and appreciation. When I spent extra time finishing an elegant program, I wanted to be appreciated by my manager. Recognizing the effort (before we comment on its merit) would give people great encouragement.  In his book The HP Way, David Packard talked about how Bill Hewlett handled enthusiastic researchers when he heard an impractical idea. Hewlett would always show enthusiasm and appreciation first, which would make the researcher feel good. Later Hewlett talked with the researcher on the pro and cons of that idea. Finally in the third talk, Hewlett would make a management decision on the idea. By that time, the researcher feels appreciated and understood, and the decision was accepted willingly. In this way, the enthusiasm of the researcher was preserved.

With our family members, it is easy for us to forget that they are like all other people we meet. They want appreciation and encouragement. When we always show appreciation, their good will and good feeling are protected. In my own case, a more diplomatic me could have said to my mother, “It’s wonderful you have made a new dish for me. I really appreciate that. It looks like very good.” Then after the meal, I could have casually mentioned, “Maybe we can have less oil in the dish.” In doing so, she could feel both appreciated and informed

Humans are such sensitive souls. We must pay extra attention to protect others’ feeling, particularly those who look up to us. That will bring more happiness to this world.

Blog on Machine Intelligence

Artificial intelligence is my great love. It is time for me to write about it daily. I am starting a new blog site: Machine Intelligence. The material there will by updated daily. Check out this blogsite.